Some Infinities are Bigger than other Infinities

There is book.  I'm sure you've all heard of.  There was a movie made from this book.  That I'm sure most of you have seen.

In this book/movie there is a scene.  I will not go into complete details about the scene, for if you haven't seen it... details would give the movie away.  But there is quote... that when I hear it in the book or in the movie it brings me to tears.

I was thinking about thinking about this earlier as I was re-watching the movie.  The quote says this

Some infinities are bigger than others, a writer we used to like taught us that... I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. You gave me a forever within the numbered days.  And for that I am eternally grateful.  I love you so much.

I cry every time in this scene.  Only this time did I look at it through a different lens.  God gives us forever.  He gives us forever with him and a numbered amount of days on this earth.  His infinity is the greatest infinity.  Yet each of us has a little infinity with him.  A day, minute, second, that our relationship started.  Our little infinity started at the very moment we believed in him and it will never end.

Unlike the movie/book... our little infinity goes on and on even after death.  We have eternity with our God and Father.

My tears are more for this fact than they are for this quote in book/movie.  My tears are of joy... knowing that my infinity will never end and that God has given me a forever with him.

Praise Jesus.

 

What do you Desire?

"The main problem our heart has is not so much desires for bad things, but our over-desires for good things." -Timothy Keller

Have you ever heard someone say something or read a quote and thought... "I've never thought about it like that. It's so true." or "You're so right!"  I saw this quote by Timothy Keller the other day and that is exactly what happened.  However, as the day went on I kept thinking about what Keller said and wondering what exactly he meant...

As a child of God, I know that every good and perfect gift comes from above (Jam 1:17), so how can my heart's main problem be with an over-desire of good things?  As soon as I had this question I thought about how Jesus was tempted in the wilderness.  Satan temped Jesus with good things, not bad things.  

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written,“‘Man shall not live by bread alone,but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”Then the devil took him to the holy city and set him on the pinnacle of the temple and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written,“‘He will command his angels concerning you,’and“‘On their hands they will bear you up,lest you strike your foot against a stone.’”Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’” Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written,“‘You shall worship the Lord your Godand him only shall you serve.’”Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him. Matthew 4:1-11

Satan first temped Jesus in a way that would end his suffering and allow him to eat after 40 days and nights of fasting.  If you hadn't eaten in 40 days I think being offered food is a good thing. Satan's second attempt to tempt Jesus would appeal to the desire in Jesus's heart (as he was 100% man and 100% God) to see God act immediately on our behalf.  Pass the test we put before him.  I confess that I often put God to the test.  I pray for something and desire to see it answered immediately.  Partly because I want it answered and partly because I desire confirmation that God is listening and cares.  Jesus reminds us that we are to walk by faith, not by sight (2 Cor 5:7).  Lastly, Satan tempts Jesus with comfort, riches, and glory.  What human on this earth doesn't desire material things?

Yes, there is suffering and pain.  Yes, that can turn us away from God.  But how often is it that we don't seek God because things are going good.  Yet the minute something bad happens we are running to him; praying for him to fix it.  Often I only seek God when I am going through something difficult.  I feel closest to God when I am suffering and broken because I know that he is the only one who can heal and satisfy me heart.  Why wouldn't Satan see this and take advantage? 

The problem is not that I desire good things because God gives good gifts to his kids.  The problem is that I desire these things more than I desire God.  I desire material things of this world, approval of peers, and countless other meaningless things over the love and relationship I have with my heavenly father.  He who is perfect, kind, constant, and King.  He who turns pain into beauty and darkness into light.  He knows the depths of my heart and loves me still.  

Hiatus Report

It has been 4 months since I've blogged.
4 months of craziness.
4 months of transition.
4 months of significant life change.
4 months of soul searching.
4 months of seeking Jesus.
4 months of rest.

After 4 months... Here's the report.

I have moved into a new apartment.
I have started serve in KIDS ministry at my church.
I have begun volunteering at Austin Child Guidance Center.
I have joined different committees to help better my city.
I have spent significant time in prayer seeking Jesus.
I have started studying for the GRE.
I have initiated multiple applications to different Graduate Schools.
I have been accepted to go through a Gospel Counseling Training.
I have reconnected with a dear friend and started doing LTG with her.

And those are just to name a few...

I look forward to writing again.  Documenting all the new and exciting things that are happening!

I'M BACK!
It feels good to be back!

Much Love,
Caitlin

I am going to Dream

 A significant part of me is an idealist.  An artist.  A dreamer.  I spend hours... days... thinking, hoping, and dreaming of the future that is to come.  Wondering where I'll be.  Wondering what my husband will be like.  Wondering how many children I will have.  Praying that in everything I do is for Jesus.  Yearning for my heavenly home.  Wishing and Praying that Jesus will come back now so I won't have to yearn or wonder any more.  

For the longest time, I thought the face that I was always day dreaming was bad.  That I was wasting valuable time when I should have been doing something else.  However lately, God has been showing me that being a dreamer isn't a bad thing.  It means that I am constantly asking 'what if'.  It explains why I need so much alone time and solitude.  It explains my vivid imagination.  Being a dreamer is looking at the world through my own reflections.  I see the world in all of these beautiful colors, vivid memories, and innumerable possibilities.  How can that be bad?  Especially knowing that Jesus is the root of all my dreams.

Jesus made me a dreamer for a reason.  So I am going to dream.  I'm going to dream big and seemingly impossible dreams, because I know that nothing is impossible with Jesus.

As, I was writing this... and for the better part of the past few days I've been listening to this song on repeat.  So I thought I would share it with you.

"It's just another night and I'm staring at the moon.  I saw a shooting star and thought of you"

My Favorite Person

This past Sunday there was a holiday that focuses on honoring the most precious and valuable person in my life... my mom.

Mom's have this beautiful position in life to where they are a guardian, a safe place, an encourager, a best friend, a teacher, and many more roles.  I am so blessed to have such a wonderful woman, who is all of those roles and so much more, as my mother.  

I work with children and meet all different types of mothers that have various parenting styles.  There is nothing wrong with those mothers or their parenting styles but I can say with out a doubt in my mind that I could not imagine or fathom having anyone else be my mother besides this beautiful woman below.  Look at her!  She is breathtaking and she is my favorite person on this earth.

She is constantly compassionate.  She is forever nurturing and teaching.  She sees a person and sees their worth, their heart, and their potential.  She cries at commercials and when she is reading a good book.  When she laughs, it is infectious.  You cannot help but to laugh right along side her.  She gives the best advice and will listen to me go on for hours about absolutely nothing.  She loves Neil Diamond and Elton John.  She makes the best cup of tea.  She never fails to say exactly what I need hear when I need to hear it.  She gives the best hugs and she has never let me down.  Ever.  She makes me want to be better, wiser, stronger.  I would be lost without her.  

Control vs. Jesus

Life is a very unexpected thing.  It throws you curve balls and can be incredibly terrifying some of the time.  People say that "life isn't fair."  It's a common saying.  Mom's say it to their kids when they tell them no and the kids freak out.  I say it to myself when something doesn't go my way.

That's the problem that I have been realizing the past month; I am looking at life as "my way."  If something unexpected happens, I try to think of how I will handle it or what I need to do to make things better/get back on track.  I plan and plan and plan and things continue to fall through.  Instead of learning from my failed planning attempts, I try to redirect and create a new and better plan.  When will I realize that my plans and my ability to control life is not enough?  It just doesn't work.

I know the right answer in my mind.  I know the right answer in my heart.  However, I fail to believe the answers in my heart and my mind are true.  There are days where I tell myself over and over and over again that "I can't do this on my own.  I need Jesus."  Even then, sometimes my head & heart hear and other times they don't.  Living in this world trying to find a balance of my control and God's control just doesn't work.  It's not meant to.  Learning to give all the control to God isn't easy.  It's not meant to be.  I was designed from the very beginning of time to yearn for eternal things.  To yearn for Jesus.  We  are all are created this way.  That is why there is nothing on this earth that can satisfy our hearts fully because the only one who can do that is Jesus.

I know this in my head and in my heart but that doesn't mean that I don't have to put in the work to make sure my head and heart believe that truth.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

 This verse gives me hope.  It reminds me that Jesus is faithful and He is sovereign.  It reassures me heart that God will finish the good work he started in me.  However, it also a harsh reminder that I have to do my part but also remember fully that only God can change hearts.  I have to choose everyday to wake up, surrender my life to Jesus, and pray for Him to change my heart that day.  I have to give control to Him because "my way" isn't working out.  I talk with women twice/three times my age and they tell me that they still doubt, struggle to believe, and have to fight everyday to surrender fully to God.  I am not writing this because I have it all figured out or because I have accomplished/conquered a great feat.  I am writing this because I am finally starting to realize that I don't have to have myself all put together all the time.  I will never be wrapped in this beautiful flawless package.  Even better... Jesus doesn't me to be wrapped flawlessly.   He wants all my mess.  He wants to see the vulnerable bruised and broken me.  That me, that is bruised, broken, and utterly flawed, is the one that He died for on the cross.

I take comfort in the cross and in knowing that I don't have to have control over everything in order for Jesus to love me.  He loves me no matter how organized and put together my life is.  He chose me to be His child and loves me as a father loves His child.  There is no greater love than that.  There is not greater love than Jesus.

Fun in Fredericksburg

So one of my 25 things to do before 25 was to take more photos!  I can officially say that I have started that adventure!  Many of my friends will be moving overseas soon and they tend to make prayer magnets to remind people to pray over them.  One of my dearest friends went on a trip with me to Fredericksburg Wildflower Farm and I got to take her photo for her prayer magnet.  I cannot post the pictures I took of her for security reasons but I can post some other ones I took from that day and from a few other little trips I've taken since then!  I've loved getting to document so much of these adventures with photos.  It has been fun figuring out my new camera too.  Hope you enjoy them!  

Hiking at and all around 360 Bridge! Here are just a few snapshots!

I didn't want to bombard you with a ton of photos so I just picked a few of my favorites! 

What do you do?

I get asked this question all the time.

"What do you do?"

I reply "I am a Nanny."

Typical Responses are as followed

1. "Oh."  

2. "Wish I had your job"

3. "That's so great!"

The first responses normally come from people who expect because I am 24 I should be (in their eyes) doing something more with my life.  Putting my degree to work.

The second responses come from people who have absolutely no idea what I do and think I just get to hang out and watch tv all day.  Which couldn't be further from the truth.

The third responses are from moms.  Moms who know exactly what I mean and know exactly what it is that I do. 

I am a Nanny.

I step into Mom's shoes everyday when she leaves for work.  

She hands the baton to me.

I am not saying that I, in anyway shape or form replace mom.  I make sure that the families I work for want me to teach their children, not parent them.  

If a family does want me to parent then I won't work for them because it's not my job to parent, it's theirs.

I believe that Mom's should be in constant contact with their nannies all day long.  That way, even though mom isn't there physically, she knows whats going on and can take back that baton right when she gets home!

I love the families I work for!  I am so blessed to work with mothers who are so in love with their children!

I started nannying in college.  I did it just so I could make a little extra money, but it slowly turned into something much more than that.

In college, I took a human development class which quickly turned into my minor because I loved it so much.  I was fascinated by how we, as humans, learn and develop.  But what really reeled me in and made me love human development so much, to make it my minor, was children.  Children grow and learn so fast.  I mean the majority of a person's language is learned before the age of 5.  If you were to expose a child to multiple languages really early they would learn all of them.  I repeat, All Of Them.  I've seen it.  It's crazy!!  They just pick it up.  Do you know how long it take an average adult to learn a second language?  Average... about 2 years and that's if they are submersed it in and taking vigorous coursework in that language.  Granted there are some who learn quicker than 2 years and others who try and try and try to learn another language and just can't.

So, because of my fascination, I started focusing on Child Development and felt like I dove into this whole new world.  It dramatically changed the way I look at children.  For sure it changed how I looked at my job.  The more classes I took and the more I learned, the more I started changing the games I would play with the kids I worked with.  I learned how to better teach them in whatever stage of development they were in.  I could easily see if one of any of them were behind developmentally and I was/am able to counteract that.  Add that knowledge with my social work knowledge I was/am also able to work with behavioral challenges/delays as well.  I keep charts on all the kids in the families I work for.  Different things we are working on and have accomplished.  I love showing parents my notes, because they can see tangibly all that their child is learning and accomplishing!  They see it everyday of course, but it all becomes so much more real when it's on paper.  I love seeing the pride in their eyes and in their children.  It's one of the best parts of my job.

I go to work everyday with plan.  Almost like a teacher.  I plan different games/activities we're gonna do to work towards whatever goal/milestone/thing they are working on learning.  The most legit part of all of it, is that I get cater it to each child.

Every child that I work with is incredibly unique and beautiful in their own way!
Amelia* is the future business woman. Very stubborn, organized, and dramatic.  She know what she wants and goes after it.  She'll probably own/run her own restaurant one day because the girl loves to cook!
Baby Lily* isn't really doing much just yet since she's only a few weeks old but I can't wait to see who she becomes.  She is already so different from her sister Amelia* it is crazy.
Reece* is the artist or inventor.  He loves to create, experiment, and push the limits on everything.  I get overwhelmed by how creative he is and all the ideas in his head.
Avery* is the engineer.  She loves just sitting down and figuring out how things work.  It's so awesome to just watch her take apart a toy and then put it back together.

So yes... I am Nanny.   I do use my degree and all that I learned in college every day.  I work hard.  There are good and bad days.  But I love my job and I am proud of what I do.  

25 before 25

I have had multiple friends that are doing this and did do it in the past so I'm going to give it a shot.  

I'm 24.  I've been 24 for about two weeks.

I know that being 24 is very young.  I understand that.  Shoot there are moments I still feel like a baby.  However if you think about it... I'm most likely already lived over a quarter of my life.  My best friend reminded me of that promptly on my birthday.

So I'm doing this challenge thing. Whatever you want to call it.  Mainly because i'm already planning on doing lots of habitual changes so I might as well document it right?  Isn't that what I want this whole blog to be about?  Lovely!  

Other friends who are doing/have done this had different books they wanted to read or they wanted to run a marathon.  To the first... setting a goal to read a book for me is a joke.  I read a least, minimum, one a week.  So that's out.  And to the second... Please there is nothing on this planet that would make me want to run a marathon.  Even if I did in some form or fashion become a runner, I will never pay for a race that will make me wish I didn't have legs.  Because that's what it will do.  Promise.  Although running will/should probably be on the list.  

I just want to make sure that this list is made up of 25 things that I not only want to do/achieve, but I want to challenge myself!  I wanted to make them specific too!  That way I can't vaguely say I did them or not, but I can cross them off as soon as I do accomplish them!

It took me f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to make this list!  Well here they are.  The list of 25 things I want to accomplish before I am 25.  

1. Read through the entire Bible in one year.

I'll be reading through a plan every day but I hope to also read it like a book.  I read all the time, this is just a way for me to make sure that I am reading more of the bible than any other book.

2. Complete the couch to 5k.  

I'm getting this out of the way now.  I've said over and over i'm going to do it... not putting it off any longer.

3. Create and stick with budget that allows me to pay off 1/4 of my student loans. 

This is totally possible.  Even if it seems huge.  If I increase my income, which I'm planning to do, then I'll be able to pay off 1/3 of them! 

4. Learn how to sew proficiently. 

I'm taking my first class next Tuesday, 3/18, and for sure will be documenting!  So excited!

5. Start a herb garden and hopefully keep it alive. 

I do not have the best track record with plants... but I have never really educated myself and really put forth effort.  I believe I can do it! 

6. Learn Calligraphy. 

This just sounds pretty and I want to know how to do it! 

7. Take a pottery class. 

Basically me in a class. 

8.Be consistent with sending out birthday cards and thank you notes.

I want to love the people in my life well!  This is one way I can do that and I think it is so thoughtful!  Who doesn't love getting mail (that is not a bill).  Already got loads of stamps!

9.Lose 30 more lbs.  

I've lost almost 50 pounds in the past 6 months.  Now to lose the rest.  

10. Visit/call my family more often. 

These people are the best people in my life.  I cherish them.  Visits will happen more often!

11. Do an unassisted pull-up.  

Pull-ups suck.  So naturally I want to conquer them so they cannot hold anything over me.

12. Take more photos.  

I'll need to get an actually camera.  One of the big ones maybe.  I'd love to just lose myself in an afternoon around Austin or in the greenbelt and take pictures!  Sounds so relaxing!  Could help with #15

13. Face one of my biggest fears -- Ride a horse. 

This is my big "challenge."  Horses are terrifying.  You might think they are majestic... and so do I. from. a. far.

14. Be more daring and adventurous with clothes. 

Boho chic.  I have a ton of clothes that fit this.  I want to wear them!  Especially now that I can since I've lost weight!

15. Take a true Sabbath once a week.

Rest and Recharge.  This means being alone for me.  No

16. Go Major League Baseball game.

Rangers vs. Yankees would be fabulous but I'll take what I can get :)

17. Develop normal sleeping patterns.  

no comment needed.

18. Take a road trip cross country.

With a couple gal pals or by myself, not sure yet, but this sounds beautiful!

19. Crochet a blanket big enough for a queen bed.

I've been working on one for 4ever!  I need to finally finish it!

20. Go on a Fishing Retreat for a weekend.

This sounds so relaxing... I'll have to get my dad to take a weekend.  Or find people who like to Fish.  Do you like to fish?  Lets go fishing!

21. Watch a Broadway show.

I love to sing.  I love plays.  Why have I not been to a broadway show?

22. Learn how to knit.

I know how to crochet... now to know how to knit!

23. Make my own candles.

My dad and I did this as Christmas gifts one year and I just loved it!  So I want to make my own! 

24. Get a Tattoo

My sister and I want to get matching tattoos.  We are still working out what because we are so dramatically different but I love this idea and cannot wait!  Even if we don't decide on the matching one, I have tattoo ideas of my own!

25. Finalize the transition to eating Whole Food Plant Based.

I've been making this transition slowly but surely.  Now to finish the job!

I'm excited to get started and cross things off this list!  You can check my progress here! And you can bet that i'll be writing about all these adventures!  Ahh... nothing I love better than crossing things off a list!

Let's get started!

Why the Lion's Daughter...

So I'd like to say I thought long and hard about what I was going to name this blog considering I would like to continue it for long while, but it really just came to me.  Or I guess I could say it's always been there.

I love lions.  I mean ever since I was little I was obsessed with them.  You'd think it was because of The Lion King... oh that was an experience.  First time I ever saw that movie I was 5 and we had to leave the theater because I became utterly hysterical when Mufasa died.  Screaming "NOOOOO" and sobbing so uncontrollably that even my mother (who is by far the most incredible, patient, and loving person on this planet) could not calm me down. I'm sure my sister was so pissed at me but I like that I had some dramatic flair even at such young an age.  But I digress.  

Even before The Lion King became a mini phenomena my father would always say something to my sister and I... 

"The daughter of a Lion is also a Lion."

When I was little I would dream about how my family and I were really all lions and we lived in the jungle.  I'm pretty sure when I was 8 I had a actual dream that I was best friends with Simba and my dad was best friends with Mufasa.  This is of course before Mufasa died.  

It wasn't until I got older that I started to fully comprehend what my dad was saying. 

I became a disciple of Jesus when I was 14 years old but didn't really start to follow him or know how to follow him until college.  I remember when I truly started to pursue Jesus around my junior year of college and my nose was always buried in the Bible.  I felt like I was seeing lions everywhere... I even did a word study.  I know I know... nerd.  The word lion is in the bible 79 times (esv) if you were interested.  Anyway, I kept seeing how lions were used as imagery depicting God.  Who he was.  What he did.  And I was mesmerized.  

All throughout this I kept thinking of the quote my dad always said and I slowly but surely began to understand what he meant.  The more I started to discover my identity as a child of God, the more I understood that my earthly father was not the Lion... my heavenly father was.  

The best part of the gospel is that because of Jesus and all he did on the cross when God looks at me He sees Jesus.  I am covered.  I am sheltered.  I am cared for.  I am God's beloved child.  There is nothing and no one that can take that away from me.  Romans 8:37-39 reassures of that fact every single day.  I will always and forever be The Lion's Daughter.